10 for 2012

1. Take a weekend trip to San Francisco with Josh. We love that city and it's close enough to be just the perfect place for a weekend getaway.

2. Establish a schedule with actual meal plans. I'm always deciding what to make at the last minute and I'd love to get more organized with it which would make our shopping trips more efficient which would in turn help out with our budget.

3. Go to Disneyland. It really is the happiest place on earth. 

4. Get pregnant and stay pregnant. Self explanatory.

5. Be more consistent in my yoga practice. I really enjoy yoga for so many reasons and I need more of it in my life. I'm going to commit to practicing at least once a week.

6. Grow out my hair. I'd ideally like it to be the length in the picture. My hair is so fine that once it gets longer than that it tends to weigh itself down and just be flat and blah. I miss being able to throw it up into a ponytail or bun though at my current length. Luckily my prenatals have really accelerated my hair growth and my last haircut was before Thanksgiving so I'm well on my way.

7. Move into our own house within the year. This is really overwhelming because we're moving this weekend into my father in law's house (and a storage unit) and I cringe at the thought of doing it again within the year but we need to be in a house of our own again, especially once there's a little one on the way. Fingers crossed!

8. Keep up with my running streak. Today is day 14 and I plan on continuing until I'm either on my deathbed or so sick with morning sickness that I can't do it or until my doctor tells me to stop. I read that Kara Goucher ran 5 miles on the morning that she gave birth. She's obviously at a much higher level than I am and I don't even remotely want to try to continue to that degree but it's inspiring nonetheless. 

9. Make a gluten free cake completely from scratch.

10. Read 2-3 books a month (at least).



P.S. Yes, I made that inspiration board on a wedding website...what can I say, I'm still a bride at heart! ;)

Bloodtest Results!!!

This past Monday I went and got my 8DPO (was supposed to be 7 but all of the labs were closed on Christmas) bloodwork taken. I waited very anxiously until I got my results on Wednesday night.

Progesterone- 14: This is the highest number I've EVER gotten for progesterone. Ever. When I was pregnant in July my number was 9 and when I was pregnant in October my number was 10. This is huge improvement for me, especially since this month I am not pregnant so this is just a normal, post-ovulation progesterone level. I see this as huge progress. Huge. My doctor said that it was still a little low so we're tweaking my med schedule a bit. In the past I've taken 1 prometrium (200mg) orally before bed for 3DPO through 12DPO. I then test if my period hasn't shown by 14DPO and if it's positive I start taking the prometrium (still 1 orally before bed). This month my doctor had me do the same thing except take the prometrium vaginally. Apparently this helps with absorption of the progesterone. And it worked! Next cycle, to get it up even higher, I'm taking 1 prometrium vaginally for 3 and 4DPO. I'll take 2 prometrium vaginally for 5DPO through 9DPO (to aid implantation...which we think is my main issue). Then it'll be back to 1 vaginally until 12DPO again. I'm really confident that this will work and I can't wait to see if it does!! Oh, I've also been using topical progesterone cream every night. I have an over the counter brand that I got at Whole Foods and I apply just a little to my inner thighs and wrists.

Thyroid-  She didn't tell me the exact number but I'm "at the perfect level for trying to conceive" according to my doctor. Alleluia!!! This month I added a small dose (25 mg) of levothyroxine and I also switched to a completely gluten free diet. I am absolutely thrilled that it helped!

Sooooo we are ON for trying this next cycle! I'm at 12 DPO right now and set to take my final prometrium tonight. Hopefully we'll be starting the new cycle with the new year. Bring it on 2012!

2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Went wakeboarding (SO much fun), got married, tried acupuncture, got pregnant twice, had 2 miscarriages.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did. I planned on getting healthier and starting to change my mindset from skinny-focused to health-focused. I've seen a huge improvement in my outlook but there's always room for growth and I still have a long way to go. I will make more for next year but that's a whole different post :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
So many people. Off the top of my head I have 2 new nephews, my best friend had a baby, 4 ladies in my office, 3 facebook friends gave birth and I have so many friends that are pregnant right now it's crazy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not in 2011.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico for our honeymoon! It was absolutely fantastic, best week of my life. 

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Patience. Ha, we'll see.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Our wedding day (June 19th) and the date of my first miscarriage (July 25th).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Running a half marathon. It was really a leap of faith and I'm so proud of my sister and I. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting things get the best of me. Also, I haven't been the most selfless person. I really want to work on that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Quite a few rough colds, strep throat and other things related to the MCs and my overall health issues.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our plane tickets to Mexico. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Josh, my mom and my sister were all extra amazing this year. I really think that Josh deserves an award for every day that he spends with me without having a complete meltdown and he's been so great about rolling with the punches. We haven't had the easiest start to our marriage but it's really only made me more confident in it's sure success. He's my rock.

My mom was fabulous through wedding planning. I was so stressed out and not an easy person to deal with at all and she jumped through hoops for me. She also spent countless days in the car driving almost 2 hours to pick me up to drive me to doctor's appointments to drive me home, all while being an incredible emotional support to me and taking care of my dad, young brother and ailing grandparents at home.

And my sister has just been there for me through everything, unconditionally. She's always willing to drop everything when I'm having a crisis and do anything that'll help get me through it. When I was on bedrest for 2 weeks in July/August she made the 2 hour roundtrip drive to just spend the day with me multiple times. I'll never forget those Project Runway marathons in my bed, eating popcorn and puppy chow and crying. I couldn't have gotten through those days without her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'm really surprised that no one comes to mind actually...

14. Where did most of your money go?
Wedding things and medications.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Marrying Josh! I thought I'd be so emotional and a ball of nerves on the actual day but I was just SO excited and happy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Blessings" by Laura Story.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? That's hard actually. I think I was happier last year but, despite everything, I'm really happy this year.
- richer or poorer? Richer. We've really worked on budgeting and savings this year and I'm so proud of our progress.
- thinner or fatter? Same actually.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Relaxing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wishing the weeks away.

20. How did you spend the holidays?
With family, the only way I'd want it :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Over and over. I fall more in love with Josh every day it seems.

22. How many one-night stands?
Zeroooo.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I got pretty obsessed with Biggest Loser this season but I also have really enjoyed a lot of the new shows that have been on (The New Girl, Up All Night, Last Man Standing, Man Up etc.). My all time favorite that I watch (and record!) every day is Jeopardy.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I actually don't hate anyone that I can remember.

25. What was the best book you read? The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic and Madness at the Fair That Changed America- Absolutely fabulous. I'm also really enjoying the Game of Thrones series.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
Can't think of one.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Boots, long sweaters and leggings. Forever and Ever Amen.

28. Whom did you miss?
Josh's great grandma actually. She passed away November of 2010 and all of the birthdays and holidays this year just weren't the same without her.

29. Who was the best new person you met?
A lot of the lovely ladies that I chat with on the TTC boards on WB. They've helped me get through so much this year.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Not to let comparison ruin my joy. I struggled with it all year but I think I've really improved in this regard. It's something that I'm still working on though.

Restless

I'm feeling really restless and anxious these days. It seems like every day is dragging by (except for the weekend days, darnit!) and this week is just a limbo week.

I'm at 10DPO of a non-trying cycle and I'm just so ready to actually have a chance again. Last month's cycle was post-chemical so it was really long (over 40 days) and this one seems to be getting closer to normal but it'll still shape up to be almost 35 days when all is said and done. If my luteal phase sticks to it's standard 12 days I should be starting a new cycle on Saturday.

Still waiting on progesterone test results. I texted my doctor yesterday and she said the results weren't up yet and that she'd check today. I'm hoping that she thinks about it sooner rather than later because I'm really anxious to see if everything I've been doing this month has been helping at all.

We move this weekend! We've moved a lot of our basic bedroom stuff already so right now we're sleeping in our guest room and the whole house is turned upside down in our attempt to pack. It doesn't feel like "home" anymore and I can't wait to be settled again.

We're also still waiting to hear back from the pet adoption agency to see when we can pick up our puppy. I refresh my email all the time hoping for some word.

Andddd that's where I am. Basically just living this week on pins and needles…waiting.

My Acupuncture Experience

Sooooo I tried out the acupuncture thing last Friday and it was definitely an "experience."

When we first got to the address of the clinic I almost told Josh to just go home because it was in a very scary part of town in a very deserted-looking building. I knew that I wouldn't be satisfied unless I gave it a shot though so I banished my inner coward and went in. I filled out quite a bit of paperwork before I actually set down with the acupuncturist. She seemed really flustered and she was the only one in the office so she was checking people in, answering phones, etc. During our consultation she walked out to answer her cell phone twice and it sounded like she was scheduling other appointments. 

I took my printed out charts and my hormone level results. She looked them over but seemed to be confused about my charts. She didn't speak English very well but we seemed to communicate okay enough for her to get the general idea of what was going on. She asked me twice during the consult if I've ever had an ultrasound to check for a stomach tumor...ummmm no I haven't. 

After almost half an hour of talking she wanted to do a physical examination so she took me into another room and checked everything out. She pressed down on a few different areas of my stomach and there were 2 areas on the left that really hurt when she touched them. She told me that I should try to get a stomach U/S because she really believed that I had a stomach tumor. That definitely wasn't very calming.

Then, without warning, she just started doing the actual acupuncture. I had thought that we had a consultation and then she asked if I wanted the actual treatment done and I had an option to leave if I didn't. There was never a point for this to happen. She said she wanted to test my body to see if it could "handle" the pressure and next thing I knew I had 12 needles in various parts of my body. Okay then.

The needles didn't really hurt and there was just a little pressure at each point. After she put them in she turned the lights down and left me there with them in for about 15 minutes. This part actually felt very relaxing and I really enjoyed it, leading me to believe that the actual treatment would be something that I'd be interested in doing again.

After I was done she told me that she wanted me to come in twice a week for the first month and then we'll take it from there. I paid her for my session and told her that if I decided to move forward with treatment I'd call her. I haven't called and I don't plan on going back to the clinic.

I really don't have any desire to do acupuncture again right away. I know that the level of my experience had everything to do with the specific place that I went but it was also really expensive. And my insurance didn't give me a discount like I was led to believe that it would. We don't have the extra money to continue with it right now, I'd rather put that toward the progesterone supplements I need that cost an arm and a leg. 

I definitely did enjoy the actual acupuncture process and I'd 100% recommend trying it but I'd never recommend the clinic that I went to. I've heard many many stories of positive experiences and professional clinics so I'd just say to do your research and it may take some shopping around before you find a place that's the right fit for you.

Back to the grind

Christmas was wonderful. I so enjoy having time off work to spend with Josh. During the workweek we don't get a lot of time together in the evenings so we really cherish the weekends.

The holiday weekend included lots of food, lots of family and lots of excitement for the future. Even Josh mentioned more than once about how hopefully next year will be filled with new traditions that include a little one. Hearing him say those things and knowing that he thinks about it too warms my heart.

We were able to spend quality time with all 3 "branches" of our family and I'm so thankful for that.

We also decided that we're adopting a puppy! I can't wait to be a puppy mommy and I really couldn't be more excited. We should be getting her this weekend! Any tips on how to prepare to bring her home? She's a mastiff so she's going to grow up to be a big dog and I love that. They're supposed to be a good breed for kids so I'm hoping that by the end of 2012 she won't be our only addition to the family….which always reminds me of my favorite commercial, this one.

I also had my 7DPO bloodwork done yesterday (just one day late…on 8DPO) and I had a really long conversation with the phlebotomist. She asked me if I was trying to get pregnant because of the tests I was getting done and when I said yes she just opened up to me. She's been trying to get pregnant for 10 years, only seeking medical intervention during this past year though. I could tell that she was just dying to talk it through with someone and she really opened up. We chatted about all different kinds of meds and hormone levels and it felt good to talk it all out with someone face to face. It's the first time I've bonded over these issues with anyone in real life and it was actually kind of nice. Hopefully we'll find out the results today, I'm crossing my fingers for a high progesterone number!

I hope that everyone had a good weekend and that you were all able to be with your loved ones. I have a whole post to recap my acupuncture experience (and what an experience it was!), it's coming soon!

I drank the Kool Aid

Today at 2pm I have my initial consultation with an acupuncturist. I can quite honestly say that I never would imagine that I'd be doing something like this. Until this whole TTC thing started I hated needles. Now, by necessity, I don't really mind them…which is good since I've gotten blood drawn more times than I can count since last June.

I've been reading the book "Making Babies: " and it talks a lot about reconciling eastern and western medicine to help with fertility issues. What the book says makes a lot of sense. Acupuncture was on my radar before I started reading it as one of my TTC friends started it in November and has seen really great results already. I started opening up to it more as I've been reading the book so I did my own internet research.

First I researched acupuncture and it's affect on PCOS since that was the first thing that I was diagnosed with and something that I considered my primary problem for years. I found almost all positive reports about it.

"The study reviewed several PCOS and acupuncture studies throughout the years and concluded that acupuncture may help PCOS by increasing blood flow to the ovaries, reducing the size of ovaries and ovarian cysts, controlling hyperglycemia by increasing insulin sensitivity and decreasing blood glucose and insulin levels, reducing cortisol levels, and assisting in weight loss."
Source

"In the current study, published in the American Journal of Physiology-Endocrinology and Metabolism, a group of women with PCOS were given acupuncture where the needles were stimulated both manually and with a weak electric current at a low frequency that was, to some extent, similar to muscular work. A second group was instructed to exercise at least three times a week, while a third group acted as controls. All were given information on the importance of regular exercise and a healthy diet.

"The study shows that both acupuncture and exercise reduce high levels of testosterone and lead to more regular menstruation," says docent associate professor Elisabet Stener-Victorin, who is responsible for the study. "Of the two treatments, the acupuncture proved more effective."

Although PCOS is a common disorder, researchers do not know exactly what causes it. "However, we've recently demonstrated that women with PCOS have a highly active sympathetic nervous system, the part that isn't controlled by our will, and that both acupuncture and regular exercise reduced levels of activity in this system compared with the control group, which could be an explanation for the results."
Source

Then I researched it's affect on recurrent miscarriages since that reality for me and fear for the future have become a major focus this year. Again, almost all positive reactions.

"Acupuncture can increase blood flow to the reproductive organs so that eggs and sperm are bathed in nutrient-rich blood while they are maturing. Better quality eggs, endometrial lining and sperm lead to better quality embryos and healthy implantation."
Source

And I lastly wanted to see if it could help my hypothyroid condition at all and I found some great information on that as well!

"Since hypothyroidism is a condition usually caused by an immune system malfunction or because of the effects of medication, it makes sense that acupuncture for hypothyroid conditions would be effective. Stimulation of the qi and the kidneys can help regulate energy flow, stimulate the immune system and strengthen the blood.

"Acupuncture can also be useful for treating symptoms of hypothyroid, even if the condition itself is not addressed in the treatment. For instance, acupuncture is noted for reducing the stress response, lowering blood pressure, increasing energy and causing recipients to feel more relaxed, all of which are helpful for a person with hypothyroid.

"It can also help with aches and pains, hay fever and allergies, even some of the menstrual abnormalities that may come with hypothyroid."
Source

After my research I was feeling even more positive about giving it a try for myself. I called my insurance company, fully expecting them to say that I was out of luck and would in no way be reimbursed and that acupuncture isn't covered at all. They did say that BUT they also said that they're doing a healthy living promotion right now. They've apparently partnered with a group of providers of alternative medicine and if I go to someone from the group I get up to a 20% discount. That made it look even more attractive to me. I found that out this past Tuesday.

On Wednesday I went online and found a provider in my town who was part of the group that my insurance company is dealing with. The information on her website seemed positive so I shot her off a quick email requesting a consultation. Less than 20 minutes later I got a call back and scheduled my appointment for today!

I'm a little nervous but also really excited. I was hoping I could get started with it before my next cycle starts because we're determined to go in full force in January. If this is one of the missing pieces of the puzzle I'll be thrilled.

Josh is going along with it to humor me I think. He very kindly (and sarcastically)  volunteered to go to the store and buy some needles, a do-it-yourself acupuncture kit of sorts. How sweet of him. But no. Definitely not.

Thoughts?

So just as I was feeling more positive something happened that scared me about this cycle again and I'm looking for expert opinions :)

I posted already that I ovulated on Sunday. Well, now I'm not so sure that I did. I have been taking OPKs and I received positives on both Friday (late night) and Saturday (throughout the day).  I had good quality CM leading up to that day and it basically went away after. I had some really bad cramps on Saturday night and I've been feeling kind of crampy on and off through this week.

Since I use temperature every month to determine if I actually ovulated I know what my temperature usually does and where it usually goes right after ovulation and my temperature spike typically looks like this (I did actually get pregnant on the cycle in this chart so the potential ovulation date is correct):

See how my coverline is 97.3? That's my usual post-ovulation coverline.

This month my chart doesn't look like that. This month my coverline is 97.1 which is usually a pre-ovulation temperature for me. On Monday morning my temperature inched up and it inched a little higher on Tuesday before it shot up yesterday morning (Wednesday). Yesterday's temperature was above my normal coverline so I was feeling pretty confident about my ovulation day of Sunday. The drop this morning threw me for a loop. Fertility Friend took away my coverline because of it but I quickly discarded the temperature because I'm in denial and freaking out until I see what happens tomorrow.  This is my chart as of this morning....any thoughts would be appreciated!!!

P.S. I even started taking prometrium to up my progesterone last night so I was expecting my temperature to be pretty high today!

Some inspiration that I just had to share

I've had a much needed emotional week and I'm coming out of the funk ready to celebrate Christmas and APPRECIATE how lucky I am to have my amazing husband and family.

I have to accept that as much as I want children and anticipate every day how beautiful life will be once that dream becomes a reality….my life is pretty darn beautiful right now. I've been making a conscious effort every day to fully appreciate it for what it is, another day that I am blessed with the opportunity to live and love.

When I'm in the in between mood, just on the verge of cheery, seeing some visual inspiration and understanding always makes me feel good. So I've decided to share the images and words that are helping me move forward today.

I'm sorry that there are so many, I was originally planning on doing a top 5 and then that quickly became a top 10 andddd then I decided to make it 12 (kind of a play on the 12 days of Christmas) but that didn't work out either. Anyway, here are 14 images of inspiration to enjoy. The last 2 are my absolute favorites. All of them were found on Pinterest (my quotes board can be found here).

I had a "moment"

Amid what was otherwise a very productive and warm fuzzy feeling inducing weekend I had one of those moments that come out of nowhere when you think that you've gotten to the point where your skin has thickened and you can confidently say that you're okay.

It happened at church on Sunday morning. We had just heard the adult choir sing some beautiful renditions of Christmas carols, everyone was in the holiday spirit and I was feeling very happy and safe from the sadness. The church that we attend  always does videos to introduce different sermon series and this week the sermon was going to be on the nativity. Once the video started I felt the moment coming and I wanted to be anywhere but in that seat in that church at that moment.

It started with a picture of Mary holding her assumably pregnant stomach. As it progressed with her finding out she was pregnant, etc. etc. I could just feel the emotional breakdown coming on. Then the screen switched to a picture of an ultrasound where there was a perfect baby swimming around and all was quiet except for the loud thump of that baby's perfect heartbeat. And the tears started. Luckily I've perfected the art of silent crying and the lights were down so that people could see the video. The tears just streamed down my face and I couldn't stop them. I felt completely overwhelmed. Josh had his arm around me and I think he noticed that my leg that was crossed started bouncing (my telltale sign that I'm trying with everything that I have to hold myself together) because he squeezed a little tighter.

In that moment when I heard that heartbeat on the video I was taken back to the first ultrasound that I'd ever experienced.....my ultrasound this past July. My doctor ordered it to check on the baby once I started bleeding. I went into that ultrasound feeling completely defeated but I had just a tiny speck of hope. Like it was yesterday I remember seeing that screen as I watched it that day....willing the technician to find a heartbeat. And not hearing a sound or seeing a flicker of movement, no matter how hard I concentrated. 

I didn't realize until Sunday how much that ultrasound traumatized me. I'm absolutely terrified that we'll always have disappointing ultrasounds, that we'll never be able to see a swimming baby or hear a strong heartbeat. Even thinking about it now makes me absolutely sick to my stomach.

I hadn't had a breakdown like that in awhile and it definitely reminded me that my skin isn't as tough as I thought it was. But I'm not giving up, I'm moving on with this process even though the fear is overwhelming so I've also been reminded that I'm stronger than I thought.

Movies to cry along with...

Some days I just want to cry. It's usually not all about one particular thing. I just build things up and every 2 weeks or so I'm due for a good, long emotional breakdown. Josh has come to affectionately call these episodes "getting my boo-hoo's out."

One thing that I've found helps these along is watching a movie that makes me cry. They'll usually start the floodgates and then I don't feel completely ridiculous about crying for no particular reason….since technically crying because Mandy Moore has leukemia is perfectly acceptable.

I figured that I'd share my favorite movies for those emotionally rainy days, hopefully some of you can relate and if you haven't seen one of these movies they are seriously fantastic and I highly suggest them.

1. A Walk to Remember. This movie became my go to crying movie in junior high actually (I've obviously been an emotional wreck for a very long time) and it's still one of my favorites. It's based off of a book by Nicholas Sparks (which is also fantastic by the way) and it's one of the last Nicholas Sparks books made to movies that I enjoyed. The most recent ones (looking at you Last Song starring Miley Cyrus) are just not the same. It's basically about a good girl preacher's daughter who falls in love with the town bad boy, changes his life forever and then *SPOILER* finds out she has cancer. The part that really gets me is after Shane West's character finds out. He's driving in a car and you can tell that he's a mixture between SO angry and absolutely devastated....and his lip starts quivering. Gets me every time.

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2. Time Traveler's Wife. Good golly this movie really makes me cry. It's also based off of a book and anything with Rachel McAdams is a winner in my eyes. This movie is about a man who involuntarily time travels throughout his life, meets his wife when she's a little girl and their story. There are miscarriage references in the movie but there's also a lot of hope so it's been the movie for my cry-fests lately.

Source

 
3. My Sister's Keeper. Another sad young person cancer-related movie. I don't know anyone who has managed to stay tear free through it. 

 Source

 
4. An Affair to Remember. This is an older movie but it's the best. There's nothing child or really illness related in this movie, it's just a good old-fashioned chick flick. It's actually referenced in Sleepless in Seattle…it's the movie that the women in that movie are always quoting and crying over.

Source

 
5. Steel Magnolias. With an all star cast that includes Dolly Parton, Sally Fields and Julia Roberts this movie takes me across a whole spectrum of emotions. I laugh until I cry, I bawl and I roll my eyes. Love it with all of my heart!

Source

Please share some of your favorite movies with me, great ones for my bi-monthly emotional breakdowns or others :)

By the way...

P.S. I got positive OPKs late Friday night and all day Saturday so I'm assuming that I've effectively ovulated :) My temperature didn't shoot up like normal today so that concerned me a little bit but it did go up by a little over 0.2 degrees and my OPKs are now negative. Because I'm an obsessive worrier I also plugged fake temps into the next 2 days on my chart via Fertility Friend and based on those they put my ovulation day on Sunday like my OPKs predicted. I'm still holding out to see what tomorrow does but I'm officially considering myself 1 (almost 2) DPO!

Another fun fact, last month when I was supposed to get 3 different blood tests done they all ending up falling during Thanksgiving week since I ovulated so darn late in my cycle. It was an absolute mess and a pain because of the holiday hours for the labs. Welp, this month I'm supposed to get blood drawn on 7DPO. That's Christmas. Thanks so much body. I'm not even sure a lab will be open on Christmas Eve! I'm going to call around and see what day closest to 7DPO I can find a lab that's open and then I'll have to email my doctor to see what she thinks. Geez Louise.

Peeks into my weekend

Our weekend consisted of some eating (and drinking....I LOVE hot chocolate!!) out, a lot of moving on Saturday (we moved down our humongous bed and basically have our new room completely set up), some sugar cookie baking and decorating on Sunday with Josh's mom, siblings and our adorable nephews (I promise I'm not grumpy in the picture where Josh was kissing my cheek...I just get a little too perfectionist with my cookie decorating :)) and I finished off my 3 day weekend today baking with my mom and grandma.

Weekends like this last one make me feel warm and cozy inside, remind me of how lucky we are to have such close families and make me so thankful for our little life. I can't wait to share these beautiful memories with our children but for now I'm doing all that I can to live every moment and enjoy this holiday season. 

Moving Tips???

Soooo we are moving. And we're moving like….in 2 weeks. Right now we're in a 1500 square foot, 4 bedroom/2 bathroom house.

We have accumulated so many things and I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed with the whole moving process. When Josh's great grandma died last year she had a small library in her house and, knowing how much I adore books, my mother-in-law gave us a ton of them along with 3 floor to ceiling bookshelves. Books take up so much space people, so much space. I started packing last weekend and decided that starting with the books would be a good idea but I was wrong. After packing 4 boxes and barely making a dent I just wanted to cry. I have NO idea how we're going to pack up our whole house.

Plus we're moving most of it into storage. This is because we're moving in with my father in law for the time being. It was a really hard decision for me to agree to because Josh and I have been on our own for almost 3 years in our own house and we're completely and comfortably financially independent. We really want to buy a house in the town that our parents live in/that we're moving into. We're both extremely lucky in the fact that I already work in that town (right now I'm commuting 2 hours roundtrip to work every day) and the company that Josh works for is also located in that town and they are willing to transfer him into it (he's been working a route that's closer up to where we live currently). But his company doesn't really plan ahead so we didn't find out what position he'd be transferring into until last week. And we still don't know exactly what he'll be making. We know that we want to base our next house purchase off of Josh's income since I won't be working after we have a little one. Since we don't know what that'll be yet we'll be living with my father in law while we're in limbo.

The upside to that is that we will be saving a lot of money since, even though we'll be helping with utilities and groceries, we won't be paying rent. We already budget to spend only what Josh makes and we've been saving my paychecks but this will give our savings another good boost…which will in turn help us afford a house that we'll be comfortable raising our little family in once we find it.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have reservations but I think a lot of it is based on my pride. When people ask if we have a house yet I hate saying that we're moving in with Josh's dad. I feel like I instantly lose all credibility as an adult and I'm always quick to follow up with the reason why we're doing it. Hopefully it'll teach me a lesson in humility. Josh is so good at not worrying about appearances or what other people think when they don't know the whole story but it's definitely something that I struggle with a lot.

Does anyone have any packing/moving tips?? Or tips on how to help me swallow my pride?

My Christmas Wish List

Just for fun I thought I'd post about some of the things that are on my radar for this Christmas. I know it's pretty close to the actual holiday but even if it doesn't give you any spectacular ideas at least it's a little peek into what my brain is focusing on lately!

My Real List (aka the list that I actually gave my mom and mother in law…yes we still make them lists!)
1. A Garmin for running, preferable the Garmin 405 but I am most definitely not picky.

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2. Babycakes, a vegan baking cookbook.

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3. A rose gold, Fossil watch <----Oops I may have bought that for myself on black Friday :) 

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4. A Snoogle. I know that they market these towards pregnant women (and I found out about them through a pregnancy blog in fact) but I think that I positively need one now, even though I'm not pregnant. It just looks so comfy!

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5. Long sweaters and long necklaces. This one is pretty self explanatory, I basically live in long sweaters during the winter.

My When Pigs Fly Wish List (aka the list I'd never give anyone because I'd feel bad asking for these things)
1. This oGorgeous bag.

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2. This Marc Jacobs bracelet. 

 
3. These Kate Spade shoes.

 
4. These Tory Burch bracelets.

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What's on your list this year? (Both real and imaginary :))