I just thought it all out this morning and for the first time realized that even though we've taken just 2 cycles off we haven't actively tried to get pregnant since SEPTEMBER. This is January. That seems like a really long time and it definitely explains the way that I've been feeling lately. I'm straight up scared. I'm second guessing how to do everything this cycle.
As I was rambling to one of my best TTC friends this morning about all of my concerns she said something that really defined it for me. It feels like it's been so long since we've actually been trying and I've completely built up this first cycle "back" in my head to the point where I feel like everything has to be absolutely perfect so that it's successful.
I definitely feel that pressure. When we were trying every month I had a set plan and I never really thought twice about it. I started taking OPKs the day after my period ended. We baby danced as much as we could, most of the time every day in the week leading up to O and the day after. I did incline walking every day plus some strength training during the two week wait but I cut out my normal running routine. I cut out alcohol during the two week wait. All very plain and simple.
This time I just have so many questions about what the best thing to do would be. I haven't started OPKs yet and I'm already more than halfway to ovulation. I'm terrified about the whole when to do it question…is every day too much? Would we get better quality if we skipped a day? We have no reason at all to doubt the little men but I'm just so paranoid. Should I keep doing spin during the two week wait? I'd hate to give up my new favorite workout but I workout really hard and get pretty warm. Is it too much? I'm still cutting alcohol. I'm taking all of my pills (last time I counted we were at 12 a day…fun!) and will continue to religiously.
For the past few months I've gotten through the time off cycles by just telling myself that we were spending the time making everything perfect to try again so that we have great success right away and a sticky pregnancy. Now that the cycle is here instead of in the indefinite future it's starting to hit me that it may not work. I may not get pregnant this month. I may get pregnant and miscarry again. Those fears scare me so much that I've gone into complete control freak mode and don't know how to turn it off!
Any suggestions on how to bring myself down a notch? Or thoughts on those questions that I've been obsessing over? Deep breaths...
As I was rambling to one of my best TTC friends this morning about all of my concerns she said something that really defined it for me. It feels like it's been so long since we've actually been trying and I've completely built up this first cycle "back" in my head to the point where I feel like everything has to be absolutely perfect so that it's successful.
I definitely feel that pressure. When we were trying every month I had a set plan and I never really thought twice about it. I started taking OPKs the day after my period ended. We baby danced as much as we could, most of the time every day in the week leading up to O and the day after. I did incline walking every day plus some strength training during the two week wait but I cut out my normal running routine. I cut out alcohol during the two week wait. All very plain and simple.
This time I just have so many questions about what the best thing to do would be. I haven't started OPKs yet and I'm already more than halfway to ovulation. I'm terrified about the whole when to do it question…is every day too much? Would we get better quality if we skipped a day? We have no reason at all to doubt the little men but I'm just so paranoid. Should I keep doing spin during the two week wait? I'd hate to give up my new favorite workout but I workout really hard and get pretty warm. Is it too much? I'm still cutting alcohol. I'm taking all of my pills (last time I counted we were at 12 a day…fun!) and will continue to religiously.
For the past few months I've gotten through the time off cycles by just telling myself that we were spending the time making everything perfect to try again so that we have great success right away and a sticky pregnancy. Now that the cycle is here instead of in the indefinite future it's starting to hit me that it may not work. I may not get pregnant this month. I may get pregnant and miscarry again. Those fears scare me so much that I've gone into complete control freak mode and don't know how to turn it off!
Any suggestions on how to bring myself down a notch? Or thoughts on those questions that I've been obsessing over? Deep breaths...
Oh, how I wish I knew how to bring yourself down a notch, because I do the exact same thing in terms of building certain things up WAY too high. I also have a tendency to over research, and my reaching for perfection can get way out of control. I totally sympathize with where you're at right now. (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteHey, thanks for following my blog! I've followed you back =) Here's my suggestions, DON'T quit doing anything during your 2ww, keep drinking, keep exercising, keep spinning, DO IT ALL. Also, have sex ever other day OR every day when you get close to O, but don't stress about it. Have as much or as little sex as you want as long as you get it in once near O you've got a chance. I've gotten pregnant having sex every day for 3 days, before, during and after O and I've gotten pregnant by having sex exactly once the day before O. It's all a game of chance. Enjoy the baby dancing and have fun! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks Hope, I'm glad that I'm not alone! It all makes me feel like an absolutely INSANE person!
ReplyDeleteJesica, I think that's exactly what I was planning on doing now that I've thought about it. I've decided to definitely not stop any of my exercising and the BD thing will just be a go with the flow kind of decision :) Thanks for reassuring me!