When we were just dating Josh had to make a really hard decision. One of the first things that we discussed when we got together were our hopes for the future. Both of us felt very strongly about having a big family. Raising our own children was something that was (and still is) very very important to us.
Josh has a set of very close friends who are now married to each other. He was roommates with the husband and the wife lived across the hall while they were all in college. The wife and I were talking one day early on in my and Josh's relationship and for some reason we started talking about families and kids (I think it's because we'd been discussing her and her husband trying to get pregnant). She told me that a few years prior, before she and her husband were married, their group of friends was sitting around talking and one of them asked the others if they felt ready to have kids and start a family right then. Apparently everyone protested that there was no way they felt even close to ready….except for Josh. He said that he was so excited to get married and have kids and that he felt completely ready. Right then.
I already knew how important it was to him but after I heard that story it really hit me hard. And I loved that because I've felt ready for a long time too. He's very close to all of the kids in both of our families and so great with them. It's easy to see that he loves being around them and that someday he's going to make a fantastic dad.
At about 7 months into our relationship we both had a huge scare. I won't share the details but there was a very real possibility that I was in the early stages of developing cervical cancer. Because of family and personal history, etc. when that news came up none of us (myself, Josh and my doctor) doubted that it could very easily be a reality. I was referred to a specialist for more testing but because of a mistake the specialist's office made I had to wait almost 3 months before he was able to see me.
Those 3 months were excruciating. I remember leaving my doctor's office the day that she sat down with me to talk about it for the first time. I immediately called Josh. He was working but he knew that I had an important doctor's appointment so he answered. I completely broke down when I told him. We were facing a huge medical issue, one that could very easily lead to infertility. We already knew that my PCOS may cause issues but this was an even bigger hit. He calmed me down and told me to just wait until we knew for sure to panic.
A few months later, after I'd seen the specialist and my tests showed that I wasn't in the early stages of cancer after all Josh and I were talking about it. He told me that the day that I called to talk to him was a really hard day for him too, much harder than he let on. He said that he just worked in a haze for the rest of the day, thinking about the situation. He thought about how much he wanted to have biological children and wrestled with the thought that it may not be a reality with me. He obviously made the decision that even if we weren't ever able to have children, he would choose me. It was a hard decision to make though and I totally understand how it was.
Over 2 years later that decision still means so much to me. Just writing this post about it makes me teary. I am so grateful to have found a best friend to share my life with, someone who would be willing to sacrifice one of their biggest dreams in order to be my partner in life.
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