10 for 2012

1. Take a weekend trip to San Francisco with Josh. We love that city and it's close enough to be just the perfect place for a weekend getaway.

2. Establish a schedule with actual meal plans. I'm always deciding what to make at the last minute and I'd love to get more organized with it which would make our shopping trips more efficient which would in turn help out with our budget.

3. Go to Disneyland. It really is the happiest place on earth. 

4. Get pregnant and stay pregnant. Self explanatory.

5. Be more consistent in my yoga practice. I really enjoy yoga for so many reasons and I need more of it in my life. I'm going to commit to practicing at least once a week.

6. Grow out my hair. I'd ideally like it to be the length in the picture. My hair is so fine that once it gets longer than that it tends to weigh itself down and just be flat and blah. I miss being able to throw it up into a ponytail or bun though at my current length. Luckily my prenatals have really accelerated my hair growth and my last haircut was before Thanksgiving so I'm well on my way.

7. Move into our own house within the year. This is really overwhelming because we're moving this weekend into my father in law's house (and a storage unit) and I cringe at the thought of doing it again within the year but we need to be in a house of our own again, especially once there's a little one on the way. Fingers crossed!

8. Keep up with my running streak. Today is day 14 and I plan on continuing until I'm either on my deathbed or so sick with morning sickness that I can't do it or until my doctor tells me to stop. I read that Kara Goucher ran 5 miles on the morning that she gave birth. She's obviously at a much higher level than I am and I don't even remotely want to try to continue to that degree but it's inspiring nonetheless. 

9. Make a gluten free cake completely from scratch.

10. Read 2-3 books a month (at least).



P.S. Yes, I made that inspiration board on a wedding website...what can I say, I'm still a bride at heart! ;)

Bloodtest Results!!!

This past Monday I went and got my 8DPO (was supposed to be 7 but all of the labs were closed on Christmas) bloodwork taken. I waited very anxiously until I got my results on Wednesday night.

Progesterone- 14: This is the highest number I've EVER gotten for progesterone. Ever. When I was pregnant in July my number was 9 and when I was pregnant in October my number was 10. This is huge improvement for me, especially since this month I am not pregnant so this is just a normal, post-ovulation progesterone level. I see this as huge progress. Huge. My doctor said that it was still a little low so we're tweaking my med schedule a bit. In the past I've taken 1 prometrium (200mg) orally before bed for 3DPO through 12DPO. I then test if my period hasn't shown by 14DPO and if it's positive I start taking the prometrium (still 1 orally before bed). This month my doctor had me do the same thing except take the prometrium vaginally. Apparently this helps with absorption of the progesterone. And it worked! Next cycle, to get it up even higher, I'm taking 1 prometrium vaginally for 3 and 4DPO. I'll take 2 prometrium vaginally for 5DPO through 9DPO (to aid implantation...which we think is my main issue). Then it'll be back to 1 vaginally until 12DPO again. I'm really confident that this will work and I can't wait to see if it does!! Oh, I've also been using topical progesterone cream every night. I have an over the counter brand that I got at Whole Foods and I apply just a little to my inner thighs and wrists.

Thyroid-  She didn't tell me the exact number but I'm "at the perfect level for trying to conceive" according to my doctor. Alleluia!!! This month I added a small dose (25 mg) of levothyroxine and I also switched to a completely gluten free diet. I am absolutely thrilled that it helped!

Sooooo we are ON for trying this next cycle! I'm at 12 DPO right now and set to take my final prometrium tonight. Hopefully we'll be starting the new cycle with the new year. Bring it on 2012!

2011

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Went wakeboarding (SO much fun), got married, tried acupuncture, got pregnant twice, had 2 miscarriages.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did. I planned on getting healthier and starting to change my mindset from skinny-focused to health-focused. I've seen a huge improvement in my outlook but there's always room for growth and I still have a long way to go. I will make more for next year but that's a whole different post :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
So many people. Off the top of my head I have 2 new nephews, my best friend had a baby, 4 ladies in my office, 3 facebook friends gave birth and I have so many friends that are pregnant right now it's crazy.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not in 2011.

5. What countries did you visit?
Mexico for our honeymoon! It was absolutely fantastic, best week of my life. 

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Patience. Ha, we'll see.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Our wedding day (June 19th) and the date of my first miscarriage (July 25th).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Running a half marathon. It was really a leap of faith and I'm so proud of my sister and I. 

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting things get the best of me. Also, I haven't been the most selfless person. I really want to work on that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Quite a few rough colds, strep throat and other things related to the MCs and my overall health issues.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our plane tickets to Mexico. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Josh, my mom and my sister were all extra amazing this year. I really think that Josh deserves an award for every day that he spends with me without having a complete meltdown and he's been so great about rolling with the punches. We haven't had the easiest start to our marriage but it's really only made me more confident in it's sure success. He's my rock.

My mom was fabulous through wedding planning. I was so stressed out and not an easy person to deal with at all and she jumped through hoops for me. She also spent countless days in the car driving almost 2 hours to pick me up to drive me to doctor's appointments to drive me home, all while being an incredible emotional support to me and taking care of my dad, young brother and ailing grandparents at home.

And my sister has just been there for me through everything, unconditionally. She's always willing to drop everything when I'm having a crisis and do anything that'll help get me through it. When I was on bedrest for 2 weeks in July/August she made the 2 hour roundtrip drive to just spend the day with me multiple times. I'll never forget those Project Runway marathons in my bed, eating popcorn and puppy chow and crying. I couldn't have gotten through those days without her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'm really surprised that no one comes to mind actually...

14. Where did most of your money go?
Wedding things and medications.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Marrying Josh! I thought I'd be so emotional and a ball of nerves on the actual day but I was just SO excited and happy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Blessings" by Laura Story.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? That's hard actually. I think I was happier last year but, despite everything, I'm really happy this year.
- richer or poorer? Richer. We've really worked on budgeting and savings this year and I'm so proud of our progress.
- thinner or fatter? Same actually.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Relaxing.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wishing the weeks away.

20. How did you spend the holidays?
With family, the only way I'd want it :)

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Over and over. I fall more in love with Josh every day it seems.

22. How many one-night stands?
Zeroooo.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I got pretty obsessed with Biggest Loser this season but I also have really enjoyed a lot of the new shows that have been on (The New Girl, Up All Night, Last Man Standing, Man Up etc.). My all time favorite that I watch (and record!) every day is Jeopardy.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I actually don't hate anyone that I can remember.

25. What was the best book you read? The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic and Madness at the Fair That Changed America- Absolutely fabulous. I'm also really enjoying the Game of Thrones series.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
Can't think of one.

27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Boots, long sweaters and leggings. Forever and Ever Amen.

28. Whom did you miss?
Josh's great grandma actually. She passed away November of 2010 and all of the birthdays and holidays this year just weren't the same without her.

29. Who was the best new person you met?
A lot of the lovely ladies that I chat with on the TTC boards on WB. They've helped me get through so much this year.

30. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Not to let comparison ruin my joy. I struggled with it all year but I think I've really improved in this regard. It's something that I'm still working on though.

Restless

I'm feeling really restless and anxious these days. It seems like every day is dragging by (except for the weekend days, darnit!) and this week is just a limbo week.

I'm at 10DPO of a non-trying cycle and I'm just so ready to actually have a chance again. Last month's cycle was post-chemical so it was really long (over 40 days) and this one seems to be getting closer to normal but it'll still shape up to be almost 35 days when all is said and done. If my luteal phase sticks to it's standard 12 days I should be starting a new cycle on Saturday.

Still waiting on progesterone test results. I texted my doctor yesterday and she said the results weren't up yet and that she'd check today. I'm hoping that she thinks about it sooner rather than later because I'm really anxious to see if everything I've been doing this month has been helping at all.

We move this weekend! We've moved a lot of our basic bedroom stuff already so right now we're sleeping in our guest room and the whole house is turned upside down in our attempt to pack. It doesn't feel like "home" anymore and I can't wait to be settled again.

We're also still waiting to hear back from the pet adoption agency to see when we can pick up our puppy. I refresh my email all the time hoping for some word.

Andddd that's where I am. Basically just living this week on pins and needles…waiting.

My Acupuncture Experience

Sooooo I tried out the acupuncture thing last Friday and it was definitely an "experience."

When we first got to the address of the clinic I almost told Josh to just go home because it was in a very scary part of town in a very deserted-looking building. I knew that I wouldn't be satisfied unless I gave it a shot though so I banished my inner coward and went in. I filled out quite a bit of paperwork before I actually set down with the acupuncturist. She seemed really flustered and she was the only one in the office so she was checking people in, answering phones, etc. During our consultation she walked out to answer her cell phone twice and it sounded like she was scheduling other appointments. 

I took my printed out charts and my hormone level results. She looked them over but seemed to be confused about my charts. She didn't speak English very well but we seemed to communicate okay enough for her to get the general idea of what was going on. She asked me twice during the consult if I've ever had an ultrasound to check for a stomach tumor...ummmm no I haven't. 

After almost half an hour of talking she wanted to do a physical examination so she took me into another room and checked everything out. She pressed down on a few different areas of my stomach and there were 2 areas on the left that really hurt when she touched them. She told me that I should try to get a stomach U/S because she really believed that I had a stomach tumor. That definitely wasn't very calming.

Then, without warning, she just started doing the actual acupuncture. I had thought that we had a consultation and then she asked if I wanted the actual treatment done and I had an option to leave if I didn't. There was never a point for this to happen. She said she wanted to test my body to see if it could "handle" the pressure and next thing I knew I had 12 needles in various parts of my body. Okay then.

The needles didn't really hurt and there was just a little pressure at each point. After she put them in she turned the lights down and left me there with them in for about 15 minutes. This part actually felt very relaxing and I really enjoyed it, leading me to believe that the actual treatment would be something that I'd be interested in doing again.

After I was done she told me that she wanted me to come in twice a week for the first month and then we'll take it from there. I paid her for my session and told her that if I decided to move forward with treatment I'd call her. I haven't called and I don't plan on going back to the clinic.

I really don't have any desire to do acupuncture again right away. I know that the level of my experience had everything to do with the specific place that I went but it was also really expensive. And my insurance didn't give me a discount like I was led to believe that it would. We don't have the extra money to continue with it right now, I'd rather put that toward the progesterone supplements I need that cost an arm and a leg. 

I definitely did enjoy the actual acupuncture process and I'd 100% recommend trying it but I'd never recommend the clinic that I went to. I've heard many many stories of positive experiences and professional clinics so I'd just say to do your research and it may take some shopping around before you find a place that's the right fit for you.

Back to the grind

Christmas was wonderful. I so enjoy having time off work to spend with Josh. During the workweek we don't get a lot of time together in the evenings so we really cherish the weekends.

The holiday weekend included lots of food, lots of family and lots of excitement for the future. Even Josh mentioned more than once about how hopefully next year will be filled with new traditions that include a little one. Hearing him say those things and knowing that he thinks about it too warms my heart.

We were able to spend quality time with all 3 "branches" of our family and I'm so thankful for that.

We also decided that we're adopting a puppy! I can't wait to be a puppy mommy and I really couldn't be more excited. We should be getting her this weekend! Any tips on how to prepare to bring her home? She's a mastiff so she's going to grow up to be a big dog and I love that. They're supposed to be a good breed for kids so I'm hoping that by the end of 2012 she won't be our only addition to the family….which always reminds me of my favorite commercial, this one.

I also had my 7DPO bloodwork done yesterday (just one day late…on 8DPO) and I had a really long conversation with the phlebotomist. She asked me if I was trying to get pregnant because of the tests I was getting done and when I said yes she just opened up to me. She's been trying to get pregnant for 10 years, only seeking medical intervention during this past year though. I could tell that she was just dying to talk it through with someone and she really opened up. We chatted about all different kinds of meds and hormone levels and it felt good to talk it all out with someone face to face. It's the first time I've bonded over these issues with anyone in real life and it was actually kind of nice. Hopefully we'll find out the results today, I'm crossing my fingers for a high progesterone number!

I hope that everyone had a good weekend and that you were all able to be with your loved ones. I have a whole post to recap my acupuncture experience (and what an experience it was!), it's coming soon!

I drank the Kool Aid

Today at 2pm I have my initial consultation with an acupuncturist. I can quite honestly say that I never would imagine that I'd be doing something like this. Until this whole TTC thing started I hated needles. Now, by necessity, I don't really mind them…which is good since I've gotten blood drawn more times than I can count since last June.

I've been reading the book "Making Babies: " and it talks a lot about reconciling eastern and western medicine to help with fertility issues. What the book says makes a lot of sense. Acupuncture was on my radar before I started reading it as one of my TTC friends started it in November and has seen really great results already. I started opening up to it more as I've been reading the book so I did my own internet research.

First I researched acupuncture and it's affect on PCOS since that was the first thing that I was diagnosed with and something that I considered my primary problem for years. I found almost all positive reports about it.

"The study reviewed several PCOS and acupuncture studies throughout the years and concluded that acupuncture may help PCOS by increasing blood flow to the ovaries, reducing the size of ovaries and ovarian cysts, controlling hyperglycemia by increasing insulin sensitivity and decreasing blood glucose and insulin levels, reducing cortisol levels, and assisting in weight loss."
Source

"In the current study, published in the American Journal of Physiology-Endocrinology and Metabolism, a group of women with PCOS were given acupuncture where the needles were stimulated both manually and with a weak electric current at a low frequency that was, to some extent, similar to muscular work. A second group was instructed to exercise at least three times a week, while a third group acted as controls. All were given information on the importance of regular exercise and a healthy diet.

"The study shows that both acupuncture and exercise reduce high levels of testosterone and lead to more regular menstruation," says docent associate professor Elisabet Stener-Victorin, who is responsible for the study. "Of the two treatments, the acupuncture proved more effective."

Although PCOS is a common disorder, researchers do not know exactly what causes it. "However, we've recently demonstrated that women with PCOS have a highly active sympathetic nervous system, the part that isn't controlled by our will, and that both acupuncture and regular exercise reduced levels of activity in this system compared with the control group, which could be an explanation for the results."
Source

Then I researched it's affect on recurrent miscarriages since that reality for me and fear for the future have become a major focus this year. Again, almost all positive reactions.

"Acupuncture can increase blood flow to the reproductive organs so that eggs and sperm are bathed in nutrient-rich blood while they are maturing. Better quality eggs, endometrial lining and sperm lead to better quality embryos and healthy implantation."
Source

And I lastly wanted to see if it could help my hypothyroid condition at all and I found some great information on that as well!

"Since hypothyroidism is a condition usually caused by an immune system malfunction or because of the effects of medication, it makes sense that acupuncture for hypothyroid conditions would be effective. Stimulation of the qi and the kidneys can help regulate energy flow, stimulate the immune system and strengthen the blood.

"Acupuncture can also be useful for treating symptoms of hypothyroid, even if the condition itself is not addressed in the treatment. For instance, acupuncture is noted for reducing the stress response, lowering blood pressure, increasing energy and causing recipients to feel more relaxed, all of which are helpful for a person with hypothyroid.

"It can also help with aches and pains, hay fever and allergies, even some of the menstrual abnormalities that may come with hypothyroid."
Source

After my research I was feeling even more positive about giving it a try for myself. I called my insurance company, fully expecting them to say that I was out of luck and would in no way be reimbursed and that acupuncture isn't covered at all. They did say that BUT they also said that they're doing a healthy living promotion right now. They've apparently partnered with a group of providers of alternative medicine and if I go to someone from the group I get up to a 20% discount. That made it look even more attractive to me. I found that out this past Tuesday.

On Wednesday I went online and found a provider in my town who was part of the group that my insurance company is dealing with. The information on her website seemed positive so I shot her off a quick email requesting a consultation. Less than 20 minutes later I got a call back and scheduled my appointment for today!

I'm a little nervous but also really excited. I was hoping I could get started with it before my next cycle starts because we're determined to go in full force in January. If this is one of the missing pieces of the puzzle I'll be thrilled.

Josh is going along with it to humor me I think. He very kindly (and sarcastically)  volunteered to go to the store and buy some needles, a do-it-yourself acupuncture kit of sorts. How sweet of him. But no. Definitely not.