Spilling the beans

When I got pregnant for the first time last July Josh and I decided that we weren't going to tell anyone until between 10 and 12 weeks, once we figured we'd feel pretty comfortable with the viability of the pregnancy. When I started spotting we hadn't told anyone but I was dying to call my mom or mother in law to get their opinion on what I should do. I think it made it worse that I couldn't do that because I just felt isolated in my extreme fear with only Josh (who was just as scared as I was) knowing what was going on.

After I'd been bleeding 2 days, staying home from work and ignoring calls from my mom because I just knew I'd burst into tears and let the cat out of the bag, I had an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat and it was confirmed that I was probably miscarrying. I'll never forget sitting in the car afterward while Josh was at work and calling my mom. As soon as she answered the phone I started crying, somehow was able to get something out along the lines of I was pregnant and had lost the baby. She told me to come home right away, she was pulling brownies out of the oven and she'd take care of me.

I was put on bedrest and my mom driving me back and forth to appointments and her emotional support during that week still means so much to me. The night after we told my mom we also called Josh's parents and told them what was going on so they could be praying for us and so that they'd be aware of what we were going through. We spend a lot of time with our families and if they hadn't known what was going on it would've made the process even harder.

Because of that experience we decided to tell our parents and siblings early this time, knowing that we will need their support no matter what happens and if we were going to tell them anyway we wanted to be able to tell them when the news was still exciting instead of heartbreaking. We told my parents and Josh's dad last Sunday. It felt really good.

We're telling Josh's mom and stepdad tonight and a big part of me is still nervous about it, like the more people that we tell the scarier it gets. What if right after we tell them we go home and I start spotting? What if they don't get excited because they're scared about how this story ends too? What if telling more people just jinxes everything?

Since you can't live for what ifs we are going through with breaking the news to 2 more people tonight but I'm scared. For those of you who have had losses before, did it make you more hesitant to tell people the next time around or more sure that the support was what you needed? If you did tell people how did they react, with excitement or with the same apprehension that you have?

Doctor's Appointment Update and Cuteness Overload

Today I am 4 weeks 4 days and this morning I had my first "pregnancy" appointment with my doctor. I've had the same doctor since I was 16. She diagnosed me with PCOS and has been dealing with my fertility issues amongst all of my other issues for quite a while now. She specializes in NaproTechnology and I trust her with my whole heart.

We went over my 2 bloodtest results. She told me what my TSH was on my 7DPO lab (1.49) which I'd forgotten to ask when I was hounding her office for my HCG numbers. Basically I'm supposed to keep on keeping on. I'm under strict instructions to not discontinue any of my medications/supplements and to text her if I ever have any spotting or EWCM (which can apparently be a sign of falling progesterone). I had the earliest pregnancy confirmation that she's ever seen, with my bloodtest coming up positive at 7DPO and confirmed at 11DPO and she was over the moon about it.

My doctor also gave me the name of an OB that she's worked with before. Apparently his wife is one of her Napro patients so she said that he won't think I'm crazy with all of my charts, thank goodness. She didn't remember where his office was located but I called right after I left her office to schedule an appointment with him and apparently he sees patients with a medical group that is located less than 3 minutes away from the house! What a blessing! AND they were able to schedule me an appointment with him for next Wednesday morning.

Hopefully I'll be able to talk him into an U/S in about 2 weeks to check for a heartbeat and ease my mind :)

And this is what has been making my heart melt all day.

 We spent Sunday at my mom's house with my best friend and her 2 kids and at one point her 4 month old fell asleep in Josh's arms. How dreamy.

Valentine's Day

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

It'll be 3 years this June, 2 weeks before our 1 year anniversary :)

2. How did you meet? {What’s your “love” story?}

We were actually both working for a sales company. I was a manager and he was a sales rep in a different office. All of the offices in our region would get together for conferences and I first saw him at a mixer. I went up and introduced myself and gave him my number because "I'd heard really good things about his sales numbers and was interested in going training with him in the field." Yeahhhh, suuuure! That was in December. I saw him again and we spoke a little more at a conference in late January. The next time I saw him was at an out of state event in May. For some reason he completely clicked with me that time and we started communicating through text pretty often. The next month he transferred into my office (he graduated college and was moving back to our hometown), we went out and the rest is history.

3. If married, how long have you been married?

Almost 8 months, our 1 year anniversary is June 19th of this year.

4. Where did you get married? Big or small wedding?

We got married at a country club right outside Yosemite National Park.  There were around 130 people there and it was perfect for us. I still wouldn't change a thing about that day.

 5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

His older sister calls him Joshy so I started calling him that when we first got together as a joke and that's what I've called him ever since. He wanted to come up with a nickname for me that rhymed with Joshy and started calling me Elley. Now my family even calls me Elley!

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

How laid back he is. I am so off kilter sometimes and he's the only person who has ever been able to help me calm down, come back to reality and focus on what's important. I am his priority (as he is mine). I never worry about him considering me or my feelings because there has never been a circumstance when he hasn't and he is always focused on providing for me and our future family. He can always make me laugh.

7. Tell us how he proposed?

He took me out to the Nutcracker ballet (he'd never been and ended up HATING it) and a fancy dinner. He proposed right before dessert. Sidenote: We're actually going to the same restaurant where we got engaged for dinner to celebrate Valentine's Day this Sunday!

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?
LOL neither! He told me happy valentine's day this morning and he's picking me up a gluten free cupcake from my favorite bakery and he's taking me out to dinner this Sunday but our main plans are dinner in and a movie tonight. We aren't big surprise people.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

I think the previous question answers this one too! I'd definitely appreciate a sunset dinner on the beach every once in a while but my favorite nights are our dinner and movie nights in.

10. Tell us one thing you’d like to do with your significant other one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

Raise a family. Hopefully we'll be able to get started on that in a little under 8 months ;) I'd love to take him to Europe. I went once in my teens but he's never been and I'd really like to experience that first with him.

11. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

 Source

   

Beta #2

Yesterday morning I went and got blood drawn again to make sure my levels were rising appropriately and that my progesterone was still where it should be. The nurse said she'd look up the results this morning, text them to my doctor (who is in Canada) and then call me right away.

When I hadn't heard from her by 1pm today, my lunchtime, I called her and left a voicemail. Within 30 minutes my phone was buzzing with a call from her and she read me my 11DPO bloodtest results.

HCG- 153

Progesterone- 20.something

All morning I was playing with the online beta doubling time calculator trying to figure out how low it could be for me to not be worried once I got the results. I figured that 40 would be acceptable, over 50 would be optimal and something over 70 would just be like Christmas since 11DPO is still early. When the nurse said 153 (which makes my average doubling time 26.1 hours) I was thrilled. Still am thrilled. And I have no idea how I'm going to get through another hour and a half of work before I get to go home.

Results #1 Are In!

First of all, thank you everyone for the well wishes!!! I really appreciate all of the positive thoughts :)

I called my nurse again this morning to make sure she got the voicemail that I left her and she told me that the results from Saturday hadn't posted yet. Darn. As I was sitting at my desk anxiously stewing I had an epiphany....this nurse has worked with me for years and usually my lab slips are under my maiden name. This time my doctor had written down my married name. I just knew that the nurse wasn't checking for my new last name. And I was right. I called her back right away and she was able to pull up the results immediately.

So these are the results from Saturday's bloodwork. I was undeniably 7DPO, as confirmed by temperatures, OPKs and my chart.

Progesterone - 19.4

I've never had a progesterone result that high before. I didn't take prometrium the night before the bloodwork so that score is almost all of my natural progesterone, that's great news. When the nurse read that number off to me I started crying.

TSH - Perfect. She didn't tell me the exact number but she said that it was perfect and the doctor had no concerns about it.

HCG - 12.....at 7DPO!!! 

 When Josh picked up the lab slip from my doctor last week and I saw that she'd marked HCG to check I laughed. I thought that there was no way any HCG would show up at 7DPO. Heck, normal implantation doesn't even occur until around or after 7DPO. This result thrilled me and confirmed my initial suspicion that implantation took place probably on Friday.

I'm supposed to continue taking my medications (thyroid, vitamin D supplement, B6, iron supplement, prenatals, naltrexone and prometrium) and I have a beta scheduled for tomorrow. I'm not supposed to take prometrium tonight so that my test tomorrow won't be affected by it and that honestly makes me a little nervous but we're going with it! I'm hoping to find a lab that opens early in the morning so I can get it done before work and get the results tomorrow afternoon!

I'm not a patient person

....Which is why I decided to test last night, at 9DPO. I held it for 2 hours while I got my nails done and then rushed over to Walgreens. I picked up a pack of FRERs and a pack of CB digitals because I was pretty sure that I'd need them for a few days before I had any hope of getting a BFP. I pee'd on the sticks and then checked Facebook on my iphone really fast so that I wouldn't stare at the tests.

When I looked back this is what I saw.

 

It's still really early, I'm 10DPO today, but it's a good sign. I had bloodwork done on Saturday to check my progesterone and TSH but I haven't gotten the results yet. I also have a lab form already for 16DPO but I emailed my doctor about the positive test this morning to see if she wants me to come in sooner. Hopefully I'll hear back from her today.

Until then I'm holding my breath!

Helping Implantation Along

Now that I'm 5DPO I'm thinking about implantation. I'm doing a few things differently this cycle to kind of help my body make this happen!

From 5-9DPO I am doubling my dose of progesterone. I'll be taking 2 200mg prometriums vaginally. After 9DPO I go back to 1 until 12DPO. I'm a little nervous about going back to 1. I'm worried that it'll cause my progesterone to drop (obviously) and doom me. Thoughts?

Topical progesterone cream is something else I'm utilizing this month. I'm using this brand that I purchased at Whole Foods and I started using it at 2DPO. I apply twice a day.

I am eating for implantation. Basically I'm just working to keep the majority of foods that I eat on the alkaline side of the PH scale. Studies have found that sperm thrive in an alkaline environment and I'm trying to give that to them…even if it means abandoning some of my normal staples of cashews, oatmeal and honey. This is the main site that I've been using most for reference but there are quite a few out there.

I have been sleeping with a heating pad on my stomach. My mom got me a great pink heating pad for Christmas and it's been getting a lot of use around our house. If we're just sitting around watching TV or something I'll use it then too.

Per Making Babies I've also been focusing on eating more warm foods. If I do eat something cold (like a salad) I'll eat something warm along with it (like a baked potato).