One day at a time

I haven't had any spotting today. I know that means absolutely nothing since I've stopped spotting twice in the past couple of weeks just for it to start up again a few days later but for now things are looking positive.

 

Source

Today, I am pregnant. Today I'm thankful about that and doing all that I can to not worry about tomorrow.

Still in Limbo

I have still been laying low but I want to update everyone on what we're dealing with over here.

I didn't get my beta results on Friday, I called the doctor's office and they didn't have them yet. The nurse explained that they usually don't call patients with results unless something comes up abnormal or the doctor is concerned. At that point I decided to trust that it was going to be okay and just let go of everything. I hadn't spotted since Tuesday and I was feeling pretty confident since we'd started the progesterone injections.

I was feeling really good...until I started spotting again on Saturday morning. The spotting hasn't stopped since.  It's really light...no red, etc.  Even though I know that so many normal pregnancies include spotting and go on to produce healthy babies but spotting has always led to heartache for me so it's been really hard for me to not see it as something extremely negative.

This morning my doctor told me that since the injections haven't resolved the issue I should use the suppositories every day along with the injections every three days. My next blood test to check progesterone is on Friday and my next actual appointment with the OB isn't until next Wednesday. I'm just really hoping that we make it to that point. Until then, we're still taking things day by day.

Any positive thoughts that you can send this way would really be appreciated, I'm very scared.

I love Sprite

Sprite and chocolate milk= Heaven.

The sickness has started and I could not be more thankful for it. I've found that the only things that help are taking a few sips of chocolate milk first thing in the morning (like less than a minute after I wake up) and sipping on Sprite at any other time during the day. I've never been a soda girl and Sprite would never have been the soda that I would've picked before but it has become my constant companion in the past few days. I hope this horrible blah feeling sticks around, it's been extremely reassuring.

I'm waiting for my blood test results today! I haven't had my HCG tested for 2 weeks so I'm excited to see what the new number is, really nervous though!

OB Appointment #1

Yesterday I had my first appointment with my new OB. My primary doctor recommended him highly so I was really excited. Apparently his wife is one of my doctor's NFP patients and he's totally on board with all of my doctor's protocol. It was definitely a weight off my shoulders to know that I wouldn't have meet opposition from him on that.

When I got there I gave him all of my medical history and mentioned that I normally have long cycles. Since there was that plus the fact that I was having a little spotting over the weekend he wanted to do an U/S right away. One thing that I already know that I absolutely LOVE about this office is the fact that they do on-site ultrasounds and the machines are actually in the patient rooms. My last OB sent you somewhere off-site where a technician performed the ultrasound and wasn't allowed to give you any information. The results were sent to your doctor and then he/she discussed them. That was absolute torture so as soon as I saw that little machine I wanted to jump for joy.

Everything looked good. We couldn't see a heartbeat yet but everything was measuring right on time at 5 weeks 3 days. He even gave me a picture :) We set another appointment in 2 weeks to check for the heartbeat again. Dr. T also mentioned that if, due to my past history, I ever need reassurance I can pop in to see the baby whenever I want. I'm pretty sure that we'll be best friends.

He sent me off with a lab slip to check HCG, TSH and to run a full panel on blood clotting disorders just in case that could have influenced my past losses and I left with complete trust in him as my doctor.

In other news….I have switched to PIO (progesterone in oil) injections. We'll be completing them twice a week and the first one was last night. It didn't hurt much at the time but good golly am I sore today. Ow. Josh was really nervous about administering it at first but we watched about a million videos on YouTube and after doing it he's completely confident in being able to do it for the remainder of the time that we need to.

Question, I know that most women who do IVF use PIO and, from what I've read, it seems like they always do 1 or 2 shots per day. Have any of you ever done them just twice a week? I'm a little concerned about what my progesterone levels are going to be doing in between injections.

Scared.

I've been kind of flying under the radar this past weekend/week. We accomplished a lot and were able to get some really nice rest over what was a 3 day weekend for Josh and I but it had it's share of stress.

On Thursday night while at my MIL's house I went to the bathroom and noticed some stretchy CM (I think I'm destined to be vigilant about checking the TP for the rest of my life). My doctor told me at my appointment last week to let her know if I ever had any as it could be a sign that my progesterone was dropping. Like the paranoid person that I am I texted her right away and she told me that she was pretty sure it was just leftover from implantation but sent me in for bloodwork on Friday morning. I'm not supposed to take my prometrium the night before bloodwork but I did anyway because I didn't want that to affect what could already be my natural progesterone dropping.

Saturday morning I noticed a different tinge on the TP when I wiped, not exactly spotting but not quite right. I checked my cervix internally and found some brown-tinged CM (I'm pretty sure that I passed the TMI point awhile ago…oh well!). I of course freaked out. This was how both of my past MCs started and the memories just came flooding back. I texted my doctor and she was able to pull up my bloodtest results on her laptop. My progesterone was at 22 which was higher than it was last time I was tested but she said that it was a little low for someone who was on progesterone supplements already. She upped my dosage on the prometrium daily and told me to let her know in a few days if the spotting didn't stop.

After getting worse Saturday afternoon the spotting slowed down and eventually stopped on Sunday afternoon. I went to a baby shower and out to dinner with Josh. I felt nauseous all day and took it as a good sign. Monday was also spot free and I started to breathe again. We bought a new car with more space and just had a relaxed, laidback day off together…until I had some EWCM again last night.

Andddd the spotting is back today. Still barely there, still only really noticable with an internal check but still worrisome. I talked to my doctor and she called in an order for injectable progesterone which should be here by Friday so we'll just sit tight until then.

Luckily my first appointment with the OB is tomorrow so hopefully that will be a little more reassuring!

Spilling the beans

When I got pregnant for the first time last July Josh and I decided that we weren't going to tell anyone until between 10 and 12 weeks, once we figured we'd feel pretty comfortable with the viability of the pregnancy. When I started spotting we hadn't told anyone but I was dying to call my mom or mother in law to get their opinion on what I should do. I think it made it worse that I couldn't do that because I just felt isolated in my extreme fear with only Josh (who was just as scared as I was) knowing what was going on.

After I'd been bleeding 2 days, staying home from work and ignoring calls from my mom because I just knew I'd burst into tears and let the cat out of the bag, I had an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat and it was confirmed that I was probably miscarrying. I'll never forget sitting in the car afterward while Josh was at work and calling my mom. As soon as she answered the phone I started crying, somehow was able to get something out along the lines of I was pregnant and had lost the baby. She told me to come home right away, she was pulling brownies out of the oven and she'd take care of me.

I was put on bedrest and my mom driving me back and forth to appointments and her emotional support during that week still means so much to me. The night after we told my mom we also called Josh's parents and told them what was going on so they could be praying for us and so that they'd be aware of what we were going through. We spend a lot of time with our families and if they hadn't known what was going on it would've made the process even harder.

Because of that experience we decided to tell our parents and siblings early this time, knowing that we will need their support no matter what happens and if we were going to tell them anyway we wanted to be able to tell them when the news was still exciting instead of heartbreaking. We told my parents and Josh's dad last Sunday. It felt really good.

We're telling Josh's mom and stepdad tonight and a big part of me is still nervous about it, like the more people that we tell the scarier it gets. What if right after we tell them we go home and I start spotting? What if they don't get excited because they're scared about how this story ends too? What if telling more people just jinxes everything?

Since you can't live for what ifs we are going through with breaking the news to 2 more people tonight but I'm scared. For those of you who have had losses before, did it make you more hesitant to tell people the next time around or more sure that the support was what you needed? If you did tell people how did they react, with excitement or with the same apprehension that you have?

Doctor's Appointment Update and Cuteness Overload

Today I am 4 weeks 4 days and this morning I had my first "pregnancy" appointment with my doctor. I've had the same doctor since I was 16. She diagnosed me with PCOS and has been dealing with my fertility issues amongst all of my other issues for quite a while now. She specializes in NaproTechnology and I trust her with my whole heart.

We went over my 2 bloodtest results. She told me what my TSH was on my 7DPO lab (1.49) which I'd forgotten to ask when I was hounding her office for my HCG numbers. Basically I'm supposed to keep on keeping on. I'm under strict instructions to not discontinue any of my medications/supplements and to text her if I ever have any spotting or EWCM (which can apparently be a sign of falling progesterone). I had the earliest pregnancy confirmation that she's ever seen, with my bloodtest coming up positive at 7DPO and confirmed at 11DPO and she was over the moon about it.

My doctor also gave me the name of an OB that she's worked with before. Apparently his wife is one of her Napro patients so she said that he won't think I'm crazy with all of my charts, thank goodness. She didn't remember where his office was located but I called right after I left her office to schedule an appointment with him and apparently he sees patients with a medical group that is located less than 3 minutes away from the house! What a blessing! AND they were able to schedule me an appointment with him for next Wednesday morning.

Hopefully I'll be able to talk him into an U/S in about 2 weeks to check for a heartbeat and ease my mind :)

And this is what has been making my heart melt all day.

 We spent Sunday at my mom's house with my best friend and her 2 kids and at one point her 4 month old fell asleep in Josh's arms. How dreamy.