I’ve been MIA…

I know that I’ve been missing in action over here lately.  I’ve been in a bit of a “just before viability” funk. I think I’m coming out of it…I HOPE I’m coming out of it! This explanation is long, just a warning!

At the beginning of last week my progesterone bloodtest results came back really good. I was feeling great before that and after that. That Sunday I’d felt our little one kick from the outside. My sister felt it. Josh felt it. I was THRILLED. I was on a complete high which is probably why I came crashing down so hard.

On Tuesday and Wednesday I started feeling a little crampy. I’m pretty sure it was/is just round ligament pain but in the moment I panicked. I’d gotten to a point the week before where both Josh and I acknowledged to each other that we were finally thinking that we ARE going to have a baby in October without adding the “if all goes well” after. I think that combined with the kicks made me feel so much bonded with our baby and when the cramps started it added a whole new layer of fear. The thought of losing all of this and the actual SON that I’ve now completely fallen in love with was/is overwhelming.

So I started overanalyzing everything. I googled symptoms of premature labor. I read them over and over. At first I reassured myself because I was having no lower back pain. The next day my back (of course!!!) started hurting. I reassured myself because the “crampy” feeling was pretty low and didn’t seem to be even close to where my uterus is now. The next day I had stomach tightening. I completely stressed myself out but I kept telling myself that my OB appointment this past Tuesday morning would reassure me completely.

Unfortunately that appointment was a huge letdown. My normal OB is out of the country so I met with another doctor who was in a rush on his way to a hospital emergency. He checked baby’s heartbeat (something I’d just done 30 minutes early so it didn’t help my anxiety) and wrote off my concerns as being completely normal aches and pains as long as there was no blood. He spent literally 3 minutes with me. That night I had a complete emotional breakdown because I’d completely convinced myself I was going to lose our little boy just 2 weeks before he had any shot of making it through. Luckily after laying down and drinking water coupled with some much needed support from Josh I felt much better.

Yesterday my back pain was gone and the crampy feeling was just here and there. I still had moments of panic where I begged Josh to let me schedule a private U/S just to make sure that everything is okay with my cervix. He thought that doing that would just be enabling my panic/worry and that it wouldn’t help me calm down or just trust that everything will work out the way that it’s supposed to. He was right.

I'm feeling good again today and I'm hoping that it keeps up. I'm primarily a lot more calm which really does make a world of difference. I'm 22 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. I'll post my 21 and 22 week updates later today to catch up! Any prayers/positive thoughts for my continued peace of mind would be appreciated!